I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
