I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
