my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
that may or may not have been my penis.
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