How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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