theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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