the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
