my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
