my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
