Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
