I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
