He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
