you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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