i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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