it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
