he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
