Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
