she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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