I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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