Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
