Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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