remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
