I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
