the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
