I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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