Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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