i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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