I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
