I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
