This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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