Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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