You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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