Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
