I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
