I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
