Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
