just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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