My sheets look like a crime scene.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
