You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
