I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
