I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
