Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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