We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
