Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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