How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
