Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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