Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
