He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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