She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
