Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I could make wine with my vomit
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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