I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
