Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I puked a lego.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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