White coat. Heels.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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