There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
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