Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
