This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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